The following song lyrics were sent to me today by a fan of almost-our-fearless-leader-of-the-CFPB, Elizabeth Warren. The composer requested anonymity, and in order to protect the guilty, I will honor that request. It seems a fitting song for a day when things go bump in the night.
The lyrics are intended to be sung to the tune of "The Ballad of Lizzie Borden" by the Chad Mitchell Trio. For those who need a brief refresher on that melody, please consult the embedded video below.
The Ballad of Lizzie Warren
“Lizzie Warren took an axe, and gave her banker 40 whacks,
And when the job was over and done,
She gave her lender 41.”
Yesterday in old Fall River, Mr. Warren’s homestead died,
And they got Lizzie Warren on a charge of foreclosure homicide
Some folks say she didn't do it others say of course she did
But they all agree, Lizzie Warren was a problem kinda kid
'Cause you can't foreclose your papa up in Massachusetts
Not even if it's planned as a surprise
No, you can't foreclose your papa up in Massachusetts
You know how neighbors love to criticize
Well, she evicted him last weekend when he thought he'd take a snooze,
And I hope the weathers warm now, 'cause he wasn't wearing shoes
Lizzie dispossessed him of his housing with the sheriff so they say
Then she got her mother in that same old fashioned way
But you can't foreclose your mama up in Massachusetts
Not even if you're tired of her cuisine
No can't foreclose your mama up in Massachusetts
You know it's almost sure to cause a scene
Oh the protesters really kept her hoppin on that busy Saturday afternoon
Chasing her up and down the stairwell while she hummed a ragtime tune
But she took her parent’s furniture in a manner that was neat,
And placed all their possessions and her parents in the street.
Now you can't foreclose your mama up in Massachusetts
And then blame all the damage on the mice
No you can't foreclose your mama up in Massachusetts
That sort of thing just isn't very nice.
Now it wasn't done for pleasure and it wasn't done for spite
And it wasn't done because the lady Lizzie wasn't very bright
She'd always done the slightest thing that the mortgage lender bid
They said, "Lizzie, throw their butts out!" so that's exactly what she did!
But you can't foreclose your parents up in Massachusetts
And then get dressed and go out for a walk
No you can't foreclose your parents up in Massachusetts
Massachusetts is a far cry from New York