When you think of experienced banking gurus with genius-level IQs, commercial banking expertise, and decades of hands-on experience solving real-world commercial banking problems, the kind of gurus most qualified to select senior-level executives for one of the world's largest financial institutions, I'm sure the same name pops into your mind as pops into mine, doesn't it? You thought of Sheila Bair, correct? No, me neither.
That hasn't stopped "Ooo-My-Little-Sheila" from asserting that Mother Bair knows best who should be running Citigroup. According to The New York Times, the "who" doesn't include current CEO Vikram Pandit. It appears that Ms. Bair is baring her claws at more than just Mr. Pandit, however. She's engaged in a jihad with other federal banking regulators that involves a theme as old as the first ape-man who took the jawbone of an ass and slayed the pretender for leader of the clan: power over other human beings and their goods.
Sheila C. Bair, appointed by President George W. Bush, has been butting heads with Citigroup executives as well as with her counterparts at almost every other federal bank regulatory agency.
When the Federal Reserve and Treasury hammered out a plan last fall to shore up Citigroup with another big round of federal money and
guarantees, the F.D.I.C. reluctantly went along. But Ms. Bair has
argued that the F.D.I.C. should take over many of the big troubled
banks rather than rescue them, just as it is doing with a growing
number of smaller, regional banks.
Now, as the Obama administration maps out a plan to overhaul and expand Washington’s
fragmented system of financial regulation, Ms. Bair is immersed in a
broad power struggle.
Great: The economy burns and Sheila's worried most of all about satisfying her craving for more power. Of course, in D.C., power is all that counts. Obviously, you sure can't measure success inside the beltway by the standards applied to private enterprise.
As an aside, it appears that W was as good at picking conservative appointees for federal agencies as his Poppy was in picking conservatives for the US Supreme Court. Poppy picks David Souter for SCOTUS, who turns into the second coming of William O. Douglas (only without the sexy young law students he kept marrying and that we loved to look at) and Junior picks rock-solid Republican Bair, who turns into the second coming of Ralph Nader, only without Nader's wicked slapstick sense of humor that makes him such a hit on the stand-up comedy circuit.
There may be more to Bair's Sam Peckinpah-like screaming at her subordinates to "Bring Me The Head Of Vikram Pandit." In fact, it might be personal.
The NYT only hints at this aspect.
At Citigroup, executives worked this week to defuse the tensions
between Mr. Pandit and Ms. Bair, which have simmered since the F.D.I.C.
thwarted Citigroup’s plans to acquire another big bank last fall.
As recently as Tuesday, Richard D. Parsons,
Citigroup’s chairman, asked Ms. Bair if the board needed to replace
senior management to satisfy the F.D.I.C., according to people with
knowledge of the situation. Ms. Bair said she was not demanding
immediate changes, although she did not discourage them.
Well, that little bit of no clarification by Sheila was certainly telling. That's one of those phone calls where Parsons and his lieutenants spend the aftermath doing fifteen minutes of "WTF was she saying?", followed by fifteen minutes of creative use of Anglo-Saxon expletives and crude discussions of the FDIC Chairman's various body parts and what forms of flora and fauna the executives would prefer they be fed to.
The Wall Street Journal had more dirt on this little sordid story arising out of Bair's selling Citigroup down the river last fall and how Sheila might have had her feelings hurt when Citigroup executives called her on her double-dealing ways.
The discord between Citigroup and the FDIC dates to last fall. In September, Citigroup agreed to buy faltering Wachovia Corp. in a government-arranged marriage. Days later, however, Wells Fargo & Co. swept in with a higher offer for Wachovia. Citigroup officials felt blindsided and faulted Ms. Bair for endorsing the Wells Fargo bid over their own.
On a 2 a.m. conference call at that time, the usually mild-mannered Mr. Pandit launched into an obscenity-laced tirade about the FDIC
chairman, according to people familiar with the call.
Citigroup soon filed lawsuits against Wells Fargo and Wachovia,
accusing them of improperly breaking up the Citigroup deal. Citigroup
executives came to blame the deal's demise as the catalyst for a plunge
in Citigroup's stock price, one cause of the federal bailouts.
After months of not talking to the agency, Citigroup executives in the past couple of months have tried to repair relations with the FDIC.
Board members including Mr. Parsons, the new chairman, have reached out to FDIC officials, according to people familiar with the matter.
Their message: "We're here to help," one person said. "Please use us as
your avenue. We want to facilitate your review of Citi."
Hasn't everyone launched at least one obscenity-laced tirade on a 2 a.m. conference call at one point or another in their professional or personal lives, usually after consuming a half-dozen jello shots and a quart of Jagermeister? No? Oh, never mind, then.
Oh, my: intemperate language directed at the FDIC generally and Ms. Bair specifically, followed by lawsuits, then the silent treatment, then a reach out to make it all better again. That sounds like the various steps of the grieving process gone terribly, terribly wrong. No wonder Ms. Bair and her coven are looking to stir up a witches brew of payback and whoop-ass on Pandit and his crew. They were mean to Sheila and then, after a lot of time went by, they begged for forgiveness and asked Sheila to take them back. Anyone who's ever witnessed puppy love gone sour knows that the girl will NEVER take the boy back until she makes him suffer like the gnarly, cruel, hateful, and really, like, SPASTIC bully he is. Or until he apologizes sweetly, buys her a Kobe Bryant-like 6-carat rock for her ring finger, and, like, promises never to do it again, cross his heart and hope to die.
What we have here is not simply a failure to communicate. What we have here is the federal government run by a bunch of high school kids.